Choosing Sober
The last day I had an alcoholic drink was the 27th February 2018
When I first decided to stop drinking I told my husband, mum and my closest friends straightaway. Maybe to make myself accountable. Previous times I had tried to stop I had not told anyone, therefore it didn’t matter as much if I failed, and I did, many times
I had tried several times to stop over the previous year, and my parents were always supportive. Early summer of 2017 after some pretty shameful incidents, with the support of my husband I sat down with my parents and was brutally honest with them about my drinking. At first they said “Oh you’re not that bad, just cut back a bit” but I made them listen to the whole truth, the drinking that I hid from them, the black out moments, all of the ugly bits
Unfortunately I suddenly lost my dad in August 2017 which sent me reeling back into my drinking ways. Dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, which is often discovered when it is too late. We had 3 weeks with him after his diagnosis before he died. He also had Barritts oesophagus which can be caused by an acidic lifestyle - alcohol amongst other things. Dad enjoyed a beer and glass of wine, and drank most days but not to excess.
By February 2018 I realised that my daily drinking could reduce my life expectancy considerably. I felt cheated when my Dad died, I lost years of time with him, and would not repeat that for my children.
After another particularly boozy evening and waking up feeling ashamed I decided that I had to stop drinking altogether for myself, my marriage and my children
My husband was super supportive and although he didn’t stop drinking with me at the same time, he would not drink wine (my poison), but would drink beer and often alcohol free varieties. Greg is now sober himself, he stopped in March 2023 and hasn’t looked back
When I decided to stop our marriage wasn’t in the best place, we were completely thrown by the death of Dad, Greg’s Dad was also in hospital, and we had 3 children with busy lives, we had a lot going on
I knew that if I didn’t stop drinking then my ability to cope with whatever life threw at us was not going to end well, neither was my marriage. Things had to change.
I don’t remember too much about the first couple of weeks, I avoided going out and would take the dogs for more walks than normal to not get sucked into ‘it’s wine o’clock’
I made sure that I had alternative drinks to hand at home, my go to was and still is ginger beer. Finding something to get me through the witching hour was the key, when we got home from the school run, making dinner for the children, winding down, that was the hardest time. I had a sober tool kit that I could pull on to get me through those times - dog walking, yoga, having a bath, going for a run - getting past the craving for that first drink
As time went on it did get easier, the cravings became less and less. Although somedays they would come out of nowhere and hit me sideways. I remember talking to a fellow school parent who had been sober for 4 years, I was about 6 months in, he said to me “don’t get complacent… you think you’ve nailed it so have the odd drink, don’t let that happen, it doesn’t work” his words have stuck with me, and I pass this advice on to anyone else trying to stop drinking. It is so easy to think that you’ve cracked it, that having one will be ok. Although by having one drink you are putting yourself back on the spiral, back in that vulnerable position, and it really isn’t worth throwing away all the hard work that has already been done.